how not to win friends and influence people

2 08 2012

recently @ozdj blocked me on Twitter – not just unfollowed, but blocked.  neither of us can see each other’s tweets now.

blocking someone on twitter is something usually reserved for someone who really pisses you off, or for ‘trolls’. oh dear :-(

his blocking came fairly shortly after this ‘exchange’ (from bottom up):

Twitter OzDJ 1

context:  the link @ozdj refers to is this post by Malcolm Turnbull (Federal MP for Wentworth, shadow minister for communications & broadband), bemoaning how the ACCC has “abandoned competition in favour of government monopoly” in relation to the NBN and the payments to Telstra and Optus by the NBN (aka Fed Gov’t, aka tax payers) to shut down their copper last-mile networks to make way for NBN fibre as the primary delivery of broadband.

some people who knows me might have some idea of my underlying thoughts on this matter, and the original sale (privatisation) of Telstra that started in 1997.  i hinted at it in this post a few years ago.  regardless, that’s not what this post is about.

whilst i stand by the rationale behind my little outburst, i regret the tone of it.  a random person would have no idea of my thoughts behind that series of tweets.  i regret firing off a one-way unengaged missive, it’s not how Twitter works best.  as frustrating as short 140char tweets can be in trying to convey thoughts of substance, patience is necessary.  if i’m to be completely honest, i do sometimes have a tendency to make brash declarative statements or outbursts, rather than engaging in a two-way dialogue.  and i know it’s sometimes not particularly endearing :-(

it’s not how you win friends or influence people.  i’m sorry, Derek.





the road to recovery…

7 03 2010

…is fraught with potholes and roadkill.

i’ve been moving into some interesting territory with my psych lately.  until a few weeks ago, for some reason i forgot that my five year dysthymic depression (2005+) was preceded by two (relatively) short periods in the 3rd quarter of the two previous years.  until recently i’d considered my sense of helplessness at ‘world issues’ as being a pivotal factor.  but like the layers of an onion, the truth is usually deeper, and usually more personal.

those two previous phases were very much about interpersonal disappointments.  the first was a series of let-downs with a few guys i’d been seeing, including a younger couple where i was ‘piggy in the middle’ <evil grin>, but who dropped me like a used condom when a younger hotter candidate came along :(.  the second period was more of the same, but moreso about the loss of a close friendship, for reasons that were never clear to me, but which has been painful ever since.

when i started dating J in early november last year, my social life took a steep upturn, which was symbiotic with my rapidly improving state of mind.  unfortunately J’s contribution to that process came to an abrupt halt just after xmas.  since then i’ve been relying on twitter to continue that process under my own steam, and also been using Grindr on my iPhone to meet other guys.

the life of a recovering recluse/depressive is a fucken rollercoaster.  one moment i have several days or a weekend booked up with stuff, the next i spend a week &/or weekend (or two) ironing my socks.  i still haven’t wrapped my head around the twitter etiquette of social events organised in this public forum by people i know, & recognising when it’s appropriate to just join myself in, and when i should wait for an invitation.

unfortunately salvaging my friendship with J is proving to be difficult.  don’t ask, i don’t know why.  and Grindr, well, lets just say i’m quickly getting over the gay MO of guys who say they’re interested in meeting *friends*, but want to interview you in the bedroom first :(  (in the interests of not doing to someone else what J did to me, i’m avoiding that scenario for a while); or you have a casual g-rated ‘date’ but never hear from them again.  i deleted a few phone numbers from my phone this weekend – they hadn’t been in there long.  i think i might need to put Grindr back in the box for a while – it’s not doing my head any favours.

the word here is obviously rejection.  i thought i coped with rejection fairly well.  maybe i just burried/internalised it?  right now it’s an open question…





riding4acause.org – my story

29 11 2009

since i embraced Twitter in the last month or two, it’s helped this process of opening up my world and re-engaging with life, primarily in the form of staying informed on stuff that interests me, but also bringing me into contact with people from various walks of life.

i can’t even remember now how/who/when i first became aware of riding4acause.org and the guys behind it (other than via someone i follow on Twitter re-tweeting), but i was so impressed by what these guys are doing:

a small bunch of straight men, all motorcycle enthusiasts (and fathers, & i’m guessing husbands) and who’ve each had their own struggle with depression, are forming a possy (always wanted to use that word – & i mean it in the John Wayne sense) to go ride across America to raise funds & awareness for male depression in just under a year from now.

isn’t that freakin awesome!??

last week Raz Chorev called on his Twitter followers to submit their stories of depression, to be posted on the site.  for some reason, i felt compelled to submit mine.  i’d never put my story into a single canned message before/yet, so figured this might be a decent opportunity, and also help spread the word.

so for the time being (while mine is the first), here’s my sorry story of depression:

http://www.riding4acause.org/my-story/

if it helps just one guy realise that he’s not alone feeling the way he does, and to get some help & get back on track, i’ll be a happy boy.

& maybe some people might question why i’m being so open about my story, here on my blog, in person amongst my friends, & even on a “stranger’s website”?  aside from the above reason, i also think it imposes some small degree of accountability on myself.  whether that’s good motivation or bad, i’m not sure, but by putting my story out in the open (instead of hiding it from almost everyone for the last 5 years), i feel it gives me even more reason to do whatever i have to do to never find myself back in that dark place.